The piece “If You Keep Telling Yourself” is an exploration of what can happen to human emotions when one spends 10 minutes repeating a phrase. 15 participants were asked to make up a phrase pertaining to a thought that they cycle over many times in their minds on a daily basis, or use a phrase they notice they always say to themselves if they already had one. The participants were then seated in a small white concrete room with no windows and one small lamp. They were briefed through the concept of connecting to their phrase with no expectations and listening to themselves as they repeated it however they wished. After 10 minutes I entered the room and debriefed the participants. The film exhibits a compilation of the moments of deepest connection from each participant interspersed. Each time a participant appears, it is in sequence with their 10 minute journey. The piece represents a look into what happens to the body when we harbor thoughts in our minds and are forced to spend time with ourselves. In some ways, it reveals truths about what can happen to our psychological state when we let ourselves go and give permission to really explore what we’re feeling. In another sense, it reveals how at times we can become what we think and say whether it was originally true or not. I believe we should be free to wander into emotional states that explore more than the simple emotions of daily life that we so often plow through. Some participants afterwards explained the 10 minutes gave them personal insight, others were shocked that they had connection with their thought in their subconscious that they were not aware of, and others felt that this was something they needed. There are dangers of sinking into our thoughts, yet there are also highly passionate and comforting emotions that can be felt as well. There are subtleties in each of us that, if taken a moment to tune into, can allow us to create something wildly unexpected and filled with life inside.
Song: Teardrop by Massive Attack
If I'm honest, I don't think this video properly exhibits what the scope of what I was exploring was. Yet I found this compliation might be the only way to keep anyone engaged in my exploration.
Watch the individual best moments of each journey below!
FEATURED PIECE 2 - "That Inexplicable Moment"
This originally has the audio of the following written text of mine over top the video: I wasn't a fan of my vocal work for this piece so it was removed.
What gets you (off) going? I recall…
Once I inhaled a performance. A world was put to life. A woman. Incredible, artful, masterful, captivated my being. I was enveloped. Awestruck. Her performance so exaggerated, so passionate. I swallowed it into myself.
This is what I want.
What I crave! I could see myself dying to transform into this. To envelop someone in a universe of infinite expression. Isn’t that the ultimate? This is it, this is what I must have!
I yearn(ed) and churn(ed) in this desire, which culminates, and tickles and scrapes and scars the inside of my body.
I burst out.
And just then every sense in me wanted to explode. More than inspired, more than pleased. I rushed, lights low, no one here but my mind. It’s time. To fold into my urgency.
I have to… I want… performance so magnificent… can I … I’m filled… will I be this… unbelievable. I leaned over and melted into the thought of my craving. So unbelievably strong. I wish, I wish. Smiling- so impressed by the thought. Eyes floating closed, my mind beginning to deceive. The patterns of trash, of nothing, of everything [disgusting, I’m so excited, ah I just want her, that was amazing, I just want to, so filled, tinkle, god, tinkle tinkle] I was strange. What did I do? The mountains of trash. Disgusting. I’m just (excited) disgusting. I want (stop) you can’t be, can I get there? (excited) where am I ? (go) How can I be artful (she was incredible) I have to be (almost there) I have to (closer) folding (closer) FILLED WITH ART! (there!!) WITH LIFE!!
I came back down. This is it. My existence filled and gratified. Seeing art stimulates my being, sends me an unstoppable vibration to create, to be thirsty, to crave. To come. I will never be satisfied.
Well that was the best damn one in years.